The following items come from a series of forum posts during the recent EMP/Uni War 2010. During the war, I entered the EKC nearly ten times and podded 38 Imperial pilots. The posts, represent notifications I was giving to the Empire that I had not only entered their borders, but was raiding and killing without impunity. Although partly posted to aggravate and taunt the Imperial war command, these posts also acted as a boost to the moral of the Union while savaging that of the Empire.
Safe Passage to Keldon, This is so Embarrassing
First, let me state that I am incredibly embarrassed about this situation. Honorable pilots should not have to openly discuss such mundane and disgraceful topics in public. But alas, the situation presents me with no other option.
It seems that during my recent 10 day stay in the EKC, part of which I freely admit was spent in the arms of several dancing girls on Keldon and the rest actively engaged in the pillaging and killing of Imperial pilots, that I may have planted my seed and it took root. I have just been contacted by 12 different Keldon dancing girls who all claim that I am the father of their hatchlings and seek recompense. I am rather dubious of these claims, as I only recently departed (rather unceremoniously and with no thanks to Barchu) from the EKC. Nevertheless, it is imperative that I make immediate passage to Keldon and answer the legal charges of paternity being brought against me.
And thus, I have no choice but to prostate myself before the pilots of the Empire as well as the Emperor and ask for safe passage to attend to my legal duties. I realize that my name has recently become anathema to many members of the Empire. It should never be forgotten that I have openly attacked imperial pilots and proven that the Emperor and his minions are impotent when it comes to protecting the traders of the Empire (as well as impregnating the famed dancing girls of Keldon). But alas, duty requires me to put such important events aside and attend to what is right and honorable. And so I ask of the Empire, will you grant me access, or do I have to seek it out on my own accord?
Your faithful and most despised enemy,
Hope Hubris.
Safe Passage No longer Required, Ignore the Lies the Empies tell
Several days ago I respectfully asked within the Tavern for safe passage to Keldon to handle some :blush: personal business. Rather than offer me assistance or even a valid reason why such passage could not be arranged (which considering my recent attacks within the EKC I could certainly understand), yet the Emperors lackeys and sycophants responded with lies, childish stories, and ridiculous accusations.
Thankfully, my Keldon brethren within the union saw fit to assist me. Several pilots, who will go unnamed by me, broke an Imperial MO in PE6, allowing me access to Keldon and the EKC once again. And so mayhem and destruction again reign within the realm of the empire:
2010-10-06 18:39:59 Ship vs Ship Hope Hubris disengaged Qno
2010-10-06 18:33:10 Ship vs Ship Hope Hubris defeated Shirer
2010-10-06 17:03:05 Ship vs Building Hope Hubris disengaged Falco's Smelting Facility
2010-10-06 17:02:40 Ship vs Building Hope Hubris defeated Per's Smelting Facility
2010-10-06 17:00:52 Ship vs Building Hope Hubris disengaged Rickyfs's Medical Laboratory
2010-10-06 17:00:33 Ship vs Building Hope Hubris disengaged Theshadow's Brewery
2010-10-06 16:59:27 Ship vs Building Hope Hubris disengaged Asparagus's Nebula Plant
2010-10-06 16:59:08 Ship vs Building Hope Hubris disengaged Beastieleper's Electronics
2010-10-06 16:57:14 Ship vs Building Hope Hubris disengaged Red Rudi's Smelting Facility
To those who reside in the EKC, understand that the Empire cannot protect you. They are impotent before the might of dedicated pilots seeking the Empire's ultimate destruction. There is no hope, there is only destruction.
But let me assure you that I was not just engaged in fun and games. I entered the EKC at the prompting of my hatchlings' mamas, and I have spent several hours in their company (much to their appreciation). It seems that their accusations of paternity were real and so I have taken full responsibility for my hatchlings and intend to remove them to a much better environment. An act which won't be too difficult, given the present state of the empire. It is truly a sad situation, for the empire cannot protect its pilots nor their property. Worse, my jokes about the inability of my Imperial Keldon brethren to fulfill the needs of the Keldon females within the EKC was actually a reality. As the dancing girls tell it, Imperial Keldons are mere wastrel geldings who take out their sexual frustrations by bullying the rest of the verse. Such a silly Game.
An outrageous situation like this cannot continue. I, Hope Hubris, will fore swear all of the pleasures of life in several days time, and dedicate myself to the cause of destruction and mayhem within Imperial territories until the Imperial dogs/wastrels have suffered for their atrocities. I mean, let's face it folks, to fail to fulfill the fantasies of the ladies of Keldon is a crime beyond punishment. It is an atrocity so heinous that I am puking a little into my mouth just broadcasting these words. Disgusting! Sad! And just plain pathetic!
Before I engage in my crusade, I have a message of salvation for the ladies of Keldon, I will be in residence for several days before the Emperors geldings can find me and force me into action. I understand your needs and desperation. Send me a pm, and we can arrange a meeting of mutual satisfaction. All except my Dearest Twinkletoes, please understand that I must ask you to refrain from making contact, as I remain a bit sore and worn out from our last meeting. Those guns of yours really leave a mark.
Anyways, I digress, I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against incredible odds! So here it is Empies, one Sudden Death against the Emperor's armada. Catch me if you can.
QUOTE (Twinkletoes @ Oct 7 2010, 07:15 AM)
I feel so rejected.
Dearest Twinkletoes,
I hope that you recognize that my mention of you is not a rejection so much as an open admission of your magnificence. Here it has been nearly a week since our encounter and yet I still harbor aches, pains, and scars that years of recovery might not be able to heal. If I was of the religious sort, like my fellow pilgrims among the ranks of Kai Rang, I would worship you as the goddess of war which you certainly must be, for no mortal Ska'ari could ever hope to achieve your sexy destructiveness.
Therein lies my problem, as drawn as I am to your power and valor, especially the humongous mounds of destruction that are your guns, I just am not quite keldon enough to be your equal. Thus with a sad heart, I am forced to slink away in your presence and hope beyond reason that you will not take notice of me once again and deal forth a much deserve pod ride. As much as I would personally enjoy your rancor (whip me oh goddess, whip me!), my mission requires that I avoid you.
My only conviction for the future is that one day I might dream of matching your strength, valor, and power, but alas I fear such dreams might never come to fruition and I will be forced to live within the exact position of gelded Imperial Keldon brothers--prancing about with a flaccid stick and over compensating for my own pathetic in-peculiarities.
Your faithful and obedient worshiper,
Hope Hubris
The father of Keldonia’s future.
Fear not, Ladies of Keldon, There is enough Hope Hubris to go around
After spending nearly 24 hours on Keldon doing my best to satisfy the needs of the ladies of that fair planet, I am forced to admit that the demand for my seed far exceeds all expectations. When I was re-called to Keldon by my hatchling mamas, I failed to understand how desperate the situation actually was. But rest assured that I shall service all petitioners
I know that at least a few of you out in the verse are proclaiming: "Hope, how could you miss this horrid situation" :blush: But alas, I somehow failed to notice that my Keldon brothers who are living under the Empire's tyranny had become completely and totally incapable of satisfying the needs of the Ladies of our home world. I guess that the evidence for this situation was readily apparent (as some of you have carefully pointed out), since the Imperials seem to spend more time prancing about with their flaccid little sticks talking about their past victories and the tremendous power of their big guns and missiles. Fool that I am, I never considered this.
But now, I stand before you, O ladies of Keldon, to offer assurances that I will not leave the sector before I have fulfilled the requests of all who seek my services. I know the lines seeking my services seem endless, But I promise that even if it takes me weeks, I will ignore the draw of my crusade until I have served your needs. If not for your own enjoyment, then for the needs of future generations of Keldon. Clearly, my gelded Imperial cousins are in capable of fathering a worthy progeny. And so, it is with a sad heart that I sacrifice myself (and my cause) for the good of my race, to become the father of the next generation of Keldon.
So relax, wait until you number is called, and rest assured that I shall willingly become your hatchlings' daddy, and give the Keldon people a little hope for a future.
Yours respectfully and with no tongue in cheek,
Hope Hubris.
Father of Keldonia’s future.
Let's face it: who doesn't want a little bit of Hope inside them?
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